I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
