grandma shit on top of the toilet
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
