mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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