my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am one with the molecules
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
