Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
