If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
