I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
