I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
