Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
