My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hippo gnu deer
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
