Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
