Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
