how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
