Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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