Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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