Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
