like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
