I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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