sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
