We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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