Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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