I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
