Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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