I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
