Your face is a jimmy john
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
