She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The air taste purple.
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