so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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