You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
