do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
