census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
