and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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