I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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