i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
