I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
