the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
