Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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