It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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