Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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