i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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