We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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