break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
