I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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