I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
