Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
