I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
