her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
