I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
