i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
