everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
