the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
