I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
