the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
