On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
