I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
